How Do You Keep Your Relationship Sizzling?

Almost all relationships start hot and as the fire power loses its intensity with less sparks, partners find themselves in the grips of boredom. Gradually, each partner start feeling old before their time as they start looking elsewhere for adventure and seeking further proof of their desirability. What happened to that partner who was full of passion and desire, could not wait to come home, but rather take a detour to the nearest happy hour instead!
Both partners must take full responsibility for the fizzle in their relationship although many rather blame, shame, finger point, act like a victim, hoping that the other partner will eventually feel bad enough to take responsibility to make it happen for both of them. This is of course a losing proposition. If you want sizzle and keep the fire burning, I highly recommend the following proven techniques.

1-Learn the language of feelings: Without feelings intimacy and passion is impossible. Feelings have a language of their own. Language of feelings is the means by which we relate with ourselves, and if we can’t communicate with ourselves, we simply can’t communicate with our partners. When we tell the truth about our feelings we invite love and connection. Feelings are the ultimate sparks of love.

2-Be playful: You remember how creative and child like you were at the beginning of your relationship. Being playful keeps you young, adventurous, especially sexually, and allows partners to rediscover themselves by bringing newness in to the relationship which will keep your partner guessing for a while.

3-Don’t take your partner for granted: When people feel not appreciated in their relationship, those feelings often turn in to resentments which are mostly negative feelings. Resentments often put a damper on the relationship, forces the partners to be emotionally distant. So give your partner at least two appreciations per day. This is a great way to start the emotional foreplay.

4-Get out of the ritualism: Ritualism is the kiss of death. The movie “Groundhog Day” is a great example of this problem. This often comes about innocently due to kids, work, obligations etc. where partners start assuming roles such as, care taker, provider. Such roles promote nothing but loss of self, feeling overwhelmed and boredom. So, in order to keep the sizzle going, be spontaneous and try something new and different every day.

5- Verbalize your needs and fantasies: Many partners are guilty of this. Remember, your partner neither a mind reader nor a psychic. Get out of your comfort zone and talk about some of your hidden fantasies without feeling guilt or shame. And there could be nothing better if you can act-out or role play your fantasies with your lover.

6- You are responsible: Remember if you want to keep your relationship hot than you must actively participate in it rather than waiting and wondering. Don’t expect others to light up your fire otherwise you will be waiting for a long time. Know that, the real fire is within you and others can only intensify what is already with in your heart.

So, if you want your relationship to sizzle, you need to master your feelings. Emotional mastery is the way to a sensual and successful relationship.

The Romantic Art of Holding Hands

Although it has become almost extinct, holding hands is a timeless display of affection. Holding someone’s hands is an outward expression of love, protection and commitment. This once popular public display is rarely seen in today’s society. Holding hands used to have a wide appeal, couples from puppy love to their golden years; sent a message to onlookers that they are in love. When you hold someone’s hands it is neither offensive nor suggestive when done in public. If given a rating it would be rated “G”, good for everyone. Onlookers wouldn’t suggest that the couple’s behaviour is inappropriate.

The question I would pose is “why aren’t many couples holding hands in public any more?” Has it gone out of style? Are we so extreme that it’s become too innocent? Are couples no longer willing to declare they are committed? What is the reason more people don’t hold hands? Couples kissing and touching each other inappropriately in public has increased. Hand holding has more than just romantic significance, such as; holding someone’s hand to guide them through a crowd. Parents hold the hand of a small child do so for guidance and protection. Whatever the reason for hand holding, the sense of touch satisfies the human need for acceptance. Not to mention it’s emotionally comforting for both parties.
 
A simple act as taking someone by the hand can help maintain passion in a marriage. In the beginning many couples hold hands. However, as time goes by they tend to lose some of the simple acts of affection. I think holding hands is emotionally helps bonds two people together and therefore will never be out of style. In my opinion, the silent message holding hands expresses, is I love you, I’m committed to you and I don’t mind if others know this. It also says I’m attracted to you and I’m aware of your presence. If your marriage relationship has lost some of its flavor, I suggest you make it a point to hold hands on a regular basis. This might be just what is needed to rekindle the sparks in your marriage. The next time you are out with your spouse grab hold of his or her hand as you walk along. Holding hands alone is not the only remedy to romance, but it sure is a good place to start!.

The world we live in has become face paced and intense. In the midst of all this hustle and bustle we tend to stop and appreciate the simple things. This doesn’t have to be the case. I encourage married couples to share love and affection.

Photo Courtesy- Soji Oni Photography

Top Ten Ways to Make Your Husband Happy

It doesn’t take much time or effort to see that our culture is pessimistic about marriage. A happy marriage seems more like a fairy tale that Pollyanna dreamed up fifty years ago. Many of today’s wives are complaining left and right about their husbands’ many shortcomings. So why should a wife make her husband happy when he’s not making her happy?
I like what host Bob Lepine of Family Life Today says, “Our role is not to figure out how to fix our spouse. Our role is: How do we reflect Christ in the marriage?” The game changes when we as wives make it our aim to bring joy to the marriage for the glory of God. It’s no longer about “What have you done for me lately?” it’s about “What have I done for you lately?” Instead of being disappointed in what your husband hasn’t done, you can experience great peace knowing that you are doing him good and not evil all the days of his life (Proverbs 31:12).
And guess what? I can attest that when you respect your spouse and practice making your husband happy, he will turn around and pour that love right back onto you.
Ready to get started? Here are the top ten ways to make your husband happy:

Make sex a priority.

No big surprise here. Women understand intellectually that sexual fulfilment is a top need of a man. But do your actions demonstrate that you really get it? Maybe you’ve taken care of the kids, cooked a delicious dinner, and even endured an action flick. Compared to the other wives you know, you’re doing pretty well. Yet you may be discounting his need for fulfilling sex. Most husbands would rather have dishes in the sink and a wife waiting in the bedroom.

Make your home a haven.

The world can be a tough place. When your husband walks in the door, he needs to breathe a sigh of relief. He’s home. Think of how you greet your husband. Does he see the back of your head as you type furiously on the computer or do you look him in the eyes and say, “Honey I’m so glad you’re home”? Make your home a place where your husband feels welcome.

Respect your man’s needs.

What need does your husband have that perhaps you have discounted? It may be sex, quality time, the cookies you used to bake him, or going to ball games together. Don’t get defensive when your husband voices a need. Listen instead and then act positively to meet that need the best you can.

Let your man lead.

The idea of submission has many women up in arms. That does not need to be the case. The New Testament speaks clearly in three passages that we wives are to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1). This doesn’t mean you become a door mat. What it does mean is that your respect your husband’s role as the leader of the home. After you’ve weighed in on a topic, the final decision belongs to your man.

Kiss every day for five to thirty seconds.

Here’s something your husband will really like! It doesn’t cost a penny and it hardly takes any time. A healthy daily dose of passionate kissing will boost your marriage and keep the pilot light lit between you. Give out plenty of kisses, just like when you were dating.

Take care of your appearance.

When you were dating, your husband found your body type attractive. He was hooked on your looks. Now that you’re married, it’s important that he still finds you attractive. When you take time and effort to watch your weight and dress nicely for your spouse, it communicates volumes. I care about you. You’re still the one for me. I want you to approach me.
 
Bring back date night.
 
Someone once wisely said to me that date nights are less expensive than marriage counselling  When you have time to regularly connect with your spouse to be fun and romantic, you prevent the Arctic chill from settling between you. Date nights give you something to look forward to. Make sure they don’t become family business meetings. Guard your date nights as pure recreation and pleasure.

Smile.

You’ve probably heard the saying “Happy wife, happy life.” Most, if not all, husbands would certainly agree to that! When a wife is unhappy, everyone in the household knows. Some days you may not feel like smiling around the house, but go ahead and fake it at first. Put that plastic smile on and most likely, your natural beautiful smile will emerge shortly after. Your smile communicates to your man, “I’m happy to be married to you. I am thankful for a great life with you.” 

Speak kindly. 

If someone were to repeat all the things you say to your husband, would it be “news that’s fit to print?” Are you heaping on praise and encouragement, or criticism and sarcasm? Treasure your husband’s efforts to please you and provide for your family. Don’t trash what he does either to his face or behind his back.  Your words matter more to him than anyone else’s.
Get on the same parenting page. Your kids know they can divide and conquer. When they succeed, your home is anything but peaceful. Recognize that you and your husband are not on opposite teams with different parenting philosophies. You’ve got to get on the same team so you can be a united front to your children.
So which of these suggestions do you think would bless your husband the most? Try implementing that tip this week and then keep adding to your repertoire. You will have one very happy husband!
 
Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of 31 Days to a Happy Husband and 31 Days to a Younger You.  She has been a guest on Family Life Today, The 700 Club, Turning Point with David Jeremiah, and The Hour of Power.  Arlene and her husband James live in San Diego with their three children.  Visit Arlene’s website atwww.TheHappyHusband.com.

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